Effective Solutions for Team Conflict

Use Your Communication Skills to Solve Workplace Clashes 

By Renée Evenson 

If you are uncomfortable facing conflict, you are not alone. Most people feel uncomfortable when dealing with any conflict, especially when it occurs in the workplace. We often ignore these situations, hoping the problem will go away. The bad news is that ignoring conflict will only allow it to grow, until it often becomes unmanageable. If left unresolved, conflict creates disgruntled employees and, at worst, can cause your customers to quit doing business with you.

But when you arm yourself with the skills to meet conflict head on and work quickly and effectively to resolve problems, you will gain respect as an involved leader who is committed to being part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Here are some tips on how to deal with interpersonal clashes and maintain strong, cohesive and productive relationships with others.

View every conflict as an opportunity. Conflict is a natural component in all relationships and should be welcomed. Good discussion clears up confusion, channels positive energy, boosts confidence, bonds employees and opens the door to resolution. To that end, many universities now have an Ombuds Office (which takes its name from “ombudsman” – one who resolves complaints). Such places enable students, staff and faculty to seek constructive help with interpersonal disputes. The neutral listeners at an Ombuds Office suggest alternative ways to handle the problem, including a possible mediation process.

Tom Sebok, director of the Ombuds Office at the University of Colorado at Boulder, says people will inevitably have misunderstandings, whether on a campus or in a company. “Almost any team is likely to view a situation from different perspectives, which can lead to conflict,” he says. “Recognizing this and encouraging discussion of different points of view can help groups make more thoughtful and informed decisions.”

Anticipate problems and deal with them immediately. In any conflict, someone has to step forward to resolve the issue. If you’re the one, you want to act quickly. You don’t have the luxury of waiting around to see what will happen.

Learn to be on the lookout for problems, and resolve issues while they are still manageable. Ask your team members, co-workers and friends to tell you when a problem is brewing. When co-workers suddenly become negative, quiet or upset, this is often a sign of conflict.

Communication is key to resolving conflict. 
The following steps can be followed to establish effective communication practices and help resolve conflict:

1. Listen and Question. 
Before attempting to draw conclusions or make decisions, listen carefully to all sides. Sebok says, “You don’t have to agree, but it almost always helps to understand someone else’s perspective. Also, listening helps people to feel both safe and understood, and sets the stage for a more constructive dialogue.”

Seek information by using nonjudgmental words and phrases, such as I noticed, I feel that, or I need to talk to you about something that concerns me. Follow up by asking questions to enhance your understanding.

Pay attention to the non-verbal messages you are receiving – and those you are sending. People are going to be emotional when talking about the conflict; observe the message behind the words. Is the person angry, hurt or embarrassed? What is the person really telling you? Be aware, also, of the signals you send out. Show concern in your facial expressions by maintaining eye contact and don’t frown, laugh or send other improper messages.

2. Decide and Plan.
When you have enough details to work toward resolution, take time to think through the situation before deciding how to respond. When you have made a decision, plan what you will say when meeting with the person or the group. Think about how those involved are going to respond to you. Who will be confrontational? Who will refuse to take responsibility? Who will be passive and give in?

3. Respond and Resolve.
The most effective way to resolve conflict is to allow those involved to come to a mutual solution. There will be times, though, when a leader must make the final decision for the team. In either situation, resolution occurs when you can find a win-win solution where all involved feel valued and can accept the decision.

To read the full article, please visit “Effective Solutions for Team Conflict” in the Toastmaster magazine online archives.

Editor’s Note: Want to learn more about conflict resolution? Try Resolving Conflict (Item 321), offered by Toastmasters International atwww.toastmasters.org/shop.

Renée Evenson is a writer specializing in organizational psychology. Her latest books, Customer Service Training 101 and Award-Winning Customer Service, are available in bookstores, online sites or at www.reneeevenson.com.

Environmentally Friendly Meetings

How clubs can conserve energy and reduce waste.
As a global organization with members in 106 countries, environmental stewardship is a topic of interest to many members. Participants in Toastmasters meetings and conferences can take advantage of the following suggestions to reduce waste and make meetings more sustainable:

 Save paper by reducing printing. Cut down on paper by using technology such as PowerPoint or a laptop to display information on a screen. Or follow the example shared by Linda Eenigenburg of Cary Grove Toastmasters in Chicago, Illinois. She says her club, like many others, recently decided to eliminate printed agendas altogether. “We write out the agenda on one large sheet that gets posted on the wall.”

Will Hsiung, of the Arlington Heights Toastmasters in Rolling Hills, Illinois, has taken it one step further by using an enlarged, laminated agenda that they can write on with a dry-erase marker at every meeting.

The Positive Thinkers Toastmasters club in Vancouver, Canada, writes their agenda on a white board each week, but plan for the presiding officers to use a printed agenda because “otherwise they can spend half the meeting either speaking to the board or rubber-necking between the board and the audience,” says member Debbie Forbes.

What about other materials, such as handouts or announcements? Keep your club’s website current with announcements. That way, members can review information before the meeting and those unable to attend can access the information. If your club has a newsletter, consider saving money and resources by making it available online. Many clubs email their newsletters. It’s a nice way to keep in touch when some are too busy to attend meetings.

 Try texting. Some clubs are giving up paper ballots in favor of using cell phones to text comments to members about their speeches and to submit votes to the vote counter.

 Consider recycling. If you feel strongly in favor of having printed agendas, announcements or ballots, consider printing on both sides of the page and use recycled paper and vegetable-based inks. And bring – or ask your host venue to provide – recycling bins for paper, metal, plastic and glass. This way, you can easily recycle any leftover materials at the end of your meeting.

Also, remember to reuse or recycle any signs, and take advantage of electronic bulletin boards, if provided in your meeting locale.

Bulk up and reuse. Encourage club members to avoid using standard water bottles and instead bring refillable plastic or eco-friendly water containers to the meeting. Toastmasters International also offers a line of eco-friendly products. To find these products, visit TI’s online store and type “eco-friendly” in the products search menu.

Save energy. If your club meets during the day, consider a change of scenery every so often and hold meetings outdoors – at a local park, for example. Make use of natural light whenever possible. If your club meets during the day, check to see if open curtains will provide adequate light for a safe gathering. In addition, coordinate with the meeting venue or host to ensure that lights and air conditioning will be turned off when rooms are not in use.

 Spread the word! There are many shades of green, so take these first steps to make your meetings the deepest green possible. Once you have information and a plan on taking the steps to make your meeting more environmentally efficient, write down the plan and share it with your club. Then, promote it to guests. You can even give a speech about it. This is a surefire way to inspire your club to join the effort for a greener world – thanks, in part, to Toastmasters!

Accepting an Award with Class

When It’s Your Turn, Be Grateful and Engaging.

By Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE 

Accepting an award is like walking a tightrope. You need to be gracious, grateful and humble – but not so humble or self-deprecating that the audience thinks you are trivializing the honor. The warm glow of the occasion can suddenly turn chilly or sour with a few ill-chosen words.

I once coached a man who was due to receive an award from a large organization. Two thousand people would be in the audience. “I want to be funny,” he told me, “so I’ll start by saying how desperate they must be to give me this award.” I persuaded him that he’d be insulting the organization and everyone who had ever been honored. We worked together to come up with a gracious acceptance speech; one that was still funny but would leave everyone present feeling great about the evening, the award and the organization.

Sooner or later, you’ll be presented with an award. It may be a surprise, or you may have time to prepare. Use your answers to the following questions to weave a warm, wonderful speech that will leave everyone with a big smile (and maybe a tear):

• Who nominated you?
• Who invited you to join this group or encouraged you to get involved in this project or event?
• What is your connection to this group?
• How do you feel about the people and the organization’s goals?
• Why are they giving you this award?

People will not remember all the details of what you say, but they will remember the stories you tell. Include a memorable vignette or incident, something entertaining or touching about your connection.

Inspiration From the Oscars 
Show biz can provide wonderful examples of gracious acceptance speeches. When Russell Crowe won an Oscar for The Gladiator (2000), he dedicated it to “everyone who has seen the downside of disadvantage.” Then he received the 2002 Golden Globe Award for A Beautiful Mind. He gave credit to the people on whose life the film was based, offering special thanks to “John and Alicia Nash, for living such an inspirational love story.”

Being succinct also has its charms. Action-star “Everyman” Harrison Ford was honored with the Cecil B. DeMille Award in 2002, for “outstanding contribution to the entertainment field” – or more specifically, 35 movies over four decades, including Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Fugitive. “In anticipation of tonight,” he told the audience, “I wrote two speeches, a long one and a short one. I’ll give you the short one: ‘Thank you’ But it seems there might be enough time for the long one as well, which is: ‘Thank you very much.’”

Typically, however, an acceptance speech won’t be that short. Whenever you have some advance notice, be sure to ask how long you are expected to speak. The shorter your time slot, the more you will need to practice! When the time comes, look directly at the audience. Never read your remarks. You can walk up on stage with notes, but they should consist of a few bulleted points.

Whenever you are involved in philanthropy or leadership in your professional organization, your company or your community, you are likely to get an award some day. It’s better to have a few well-crafted remarks ready than to be caught speechless – or worse, say the wrong thing. A planned speech can help you avoid appearing overanxious. So be gracious. Be modest. Be prepared!

Patricia Fripp, CSP, CPAE, is an executive speech coach, professional speaker and author of several books, including Get What You Want! She’s also a former member of the Cable Car Toastmasters and ProToasties clubs in San Francisco and San Mateo, California. Reach her at www.frip

For Mothers: How to speak with your daughter

For Mothers: How to Speak With Your Daughter

Listen more than you talk.

By Carol Dean Schreiner 


When that tiny baby girl is placed in your arms for the first time, what thoughts come to mind? I want a perfect relationship with this little gal all of her life. We will have the best of times and become the best of friends always. Those are wonderful ideals. Many of your hopes and wishes can happen, but it takes work to build the bonds of your dreams.

If you were designing a perfect relationship for mothers and daughters, what would it look like? No arguments ever? No rules and regulations? Experience will soon teach you that a life without rules will not work. Communicating with a daughter can be challenging. Girls may speak more than most boys, but you won’t always like what they say. However, a healthy mother-daughter relationship can lead you to an ongoing dialogue with your daughter that is extremely rewarding. Use these tips to communicate with the young woman in your life:


• Listen. Often mothers forget the most important part of communicating: the art of listening. Without planning to, a mom can come across in a way that suggests she knows all the answers, that she’s been there and done that and that her way is the only way. Even though you don’t want your daughter to make the same mistakes you’ve made, it’s important to allow her to make her own decisions. A good mother advises and then allows her daughter to exercise her decision-making skills. Then, when the daughter wants to discuss outcomes and consequences, a great mother listens.


• Give her what she needs... including space. Open communication does not mean a mom should tell her daughter everything. She must tell her only what she needs to know. Some mothers try to make their daughters their personal confidantes. Don’t try to confide in your daughter about those dreams you’ve left behind. Pushing her in a direction because it was something you missed is a bad idea. Instead, it’s better to learn about her strengths, interests and joys, and then encourage her to pursue her dreams.


• Stay positive. A daughter will not benefit from repeated lectures about how much worse her mother’s childhood was or how impossible it is to succeed. What she needs, instead, is to hear how to make the most of her life by following her heart and making informed, thoughtful and bold decisions. Every woman, young and old, must face occasional challenges, and your positive encouragement as she leaps over the hurdles will warm her heart for a lifetime.


• Share experiences, skills and fun times. Experienced mothers let their daughters help with whatever task comes along. My daughters and I have concocted some pretty dubious food. We may have decorated cupcakes that looked questionable a few times, but we always enjoyed being creative and having fun. Laughter speaks volumes.


• Nurture your mother-daughter relationship. A great relationship is built over years of being open, honest, caring, supportive and loving. Mothers don’t always love what their daughters are doing, but they still love their daughters. A smart mom allows her daughter the freedom to live her own life, but she also keeps the dialogue going. She doesn’t hesitate to e-mail, Facebook, call or write a postcard – whatever it takes to maintain communication, no matter where her daughter may travel.

For a special togetherness activity when they’re young, I heartily recommend reading together. Then, when they grow older, you can share books and great discussions. My daughters and I have enjoyed some amazing conversations about the pros and cons of the books we’ve read.


• Be active in their lives, now, and you’ll have more in common later. My daughters now give me advice, share recipes and offer tips in many different ways. I am so blessed to have wonderful relationships with all three of my daughters. What’s most important is that we love and support one another; we always know that whatever happens, we are there for each other.


As a mom to grown sons as well as a daughter, Barbara Barger, DTM, of the Sooner Toastmasters club in Norman, Oklahoma, appreciates the differences in communication styles between boys and girls. When she asked her boys, “What went on in school today?” Barger usually received the shortest answer possible. Her sons would say, “Nothing,” or “Same old, same old.”

“When I asked my daughter the same question,” says Barger, “I was bombarded with a detailed accounting of the movements, conversations, feelings and opinions of every person in our small high school.” Barger took her Toastmasters skills to heart and became a tuned-in listener. It paid off in a close relationship with her girl. Barger notes, “I surely do miss the daily gossip update now that she is an adult and living in another city.”

As the mother of three daughters, I’ve enjoyed an experience that has been wonderful but also frustrating at times. Each daughter is so different! My three girls vary not only in looks but also in activities and personalities. When you have more than one child, you must learn how to communicate with each one differently. I wish I’d been in Toastmasters when I was raising my girls. Table Topics would have been invaluable to me when my daughters were growing up: I could have asked each one the same question and received completely different answers. One decision might work for one daughter, but not for all three.

What’s more, in Toastmasters we benefit from guidelines that help us with our speeches and our evaluations. Raising children, I didn’t always have the right guidelines or the right questions to ask. And as a result, once in a while my evaluation was simply the cold hard fact that I’d made a mistake. Somehow, my daughters managed to survive my mistakes. And yours, most likely, will too.

In the end, communication isn’t always about words. Barger makes the most of this now that her daughter is grown. “One of our favorite things to do is to shop together. Our fashion tastes are very different,” she notes. “So when my daughter holds ups an article of clothing and says, ‘Isn’t this the cutest thing ever?’ I’ve learned that verbal language is not needed. My facial expression tells her my opinion of the article in question. When I find something that I think is just what one of us needs, my daughter responds with a slight frown and a shrug of her shoulders.”

Although her daughter is now 32, Barger still offers motherly advice; she can’t help herself. But one type of mother-daughter communication remains her favorite. “One of the best things is that when we are talking on the phone or she is leaving after a visit, our communication always ends with ‘Love you!’ and we mean it.”


Carol Dean Schreiner, DTM, is a member of the Sooner Toastmasters club in Norman, Oklahoma. She can be reached at her Web site: www.caroldean.com.

Editor’s Note: Are you a mother of sons or a father of daughters? Care to share your secrets for successful parent-child communication? E-mail letters@toastmasters.org and tell us about your experience.

How to: A Two- Year Path to DTM

How To: A Two-Year Path to DTM

Earning Toastmasters’ top award is easy – if you stick with a plan.

By Earl D. Kersting


In November 2008, I observed my first Toastmasters meeting as a guest. In October 2010, at the District 43 Conference, I received my DTM – the much-coveted Distinguished Toastmaster award. Total time from prospect to DTM? Twenty-three months.

Do I say this because I am bragging? I am very proud of my accomplishment, but no, I do not want to brag; I want to stress the importance of a basic tenet that many Toastmasters overlook. Earning your DTM comes down to three simple steps: Read the manuals. Make a plan. Work your plan. 1, 2 and 3 – it is as simple as that.

But why, you may ask yourself, would I want to become a DTM? It seems like a lot of work when you simply want to become more comfortable speaking in front of an audience..

Like anything worth doing, what you get out of Toastmasters is proportionate to what you put into it. In earning my DTM, I never imagined the many benefits awaiting me, the skills I’d hone and the friends I’d make along the journey. I learned to improve my communication and presentation skills, but I also gained so much more.

Read the Manuals

When you joined Toastmasters, you received, among other materials, two manuals: Competent Communication (CC) andCompetent Leadership (CL). I have noticed a pattern: My fellow Toastmasters tend to pick up and start using the CC manual, and lay the CL manual aside. It happens for several reasons. Some members think, “I really joined Toastmasters to improve my communication skills. I do not need to work on my leadership skills.” I have also met members who simply do not understand how the Competent Leadership manual works. They see the Project Completion Record on page 6 of the manual, see more than 40 tasks listed – 45 to be exact – and put the manual aside in favor of the CC manual, with its 10 projects. If you were to simply read theCL manual, you would discover several things. Of the 45 tasks listed, you need to complete only 21 or 22, depending on which combination you pursue. You would also discover that the tasks are, for the most part, roles you already perform during the course of a typical club meeting, such as speaker, speech evaluator, timer, grammarian and so forth. In fact, of the 10 projects, eight can be completed by serving in typical weekly club meeting roles.

To learn about the requirements for each available educational award, visit the Educational Program section on the Toastmasters Web site, at www.toastmasters.org/membereducation . The information will guide you on your path to Distinguished Toastmaster. This leads to the next step: Make a Plan.

Make a Plan

Every journey requires a plan. Whether it is a trip to the store or a journey to earn DTM, you cannot reach a destination unless you know where it is you wish to go and by what route. Map your route to the DTM award by using the Educational Program section on the Web site. It lists the requirements for earning all educational awards, including DTM. Here’s a helpful hint: The best 50 cents I have ever spent was to purchase the Toastmasters Member Achievement Record (Item 1328 on the online store). This booklet records your progress toward each award in the communication and leadership tracks, and it is the road map to your final destination.

Work Your Plan

No worthwhile achievement comes by accident. You must take initiative to bring your plan to fruition. That includes making and taking opportunities by looking at your overall plan and fitting in key requirements wherever and whenever you have the chance.

For example, one requirement to earn the Advanced Leader Silver (ALS) award – the highest leadership level before DTM – is to complete a High Performance Leadership (HPL) project. Does that mean you cannot begin an HPL project until you have earned the CL and Advanced Leader Bronze (ALB) awards? No. By looking at the entire road map to DTM, and realizing the HPL project was a destination through which I had to pass on my journey, I began my first HPL before I had ever earned my CL award. In fact, I began my first HPL within two months of becoming a Toastmaster.

Another requirement to earn ALS is to serve successfully as a club sponsor, mentor or coach. Again, this was a task I began within months of becoming a Toastmaster. Know what is required along every step of your journey to DTM so that when an opportunity arises, you can take advantage of the chance to complete another requirement of your plan.

Why Do It?

But why did I do it all? Was it just to wear the gold DTM name tag or the DTM medallion? Was it just so I could brag that I was a DTM? No, it was because the more I got involved, and the more I gave, the more I got in return. I’ve met new friends and I’ve developed deeper relationships with those friends I already had. As a club officer, my fellow club members showed me that I could provide the Toastmasters experience to others while improving my own leadership skills. As a mentor, I learned how rewarding it could be to guide a new member on their own Toastmasters journey. As a club sponsor, I discovered the immense fulfillment of bringing the Toastmasters experience to a group who otherwise would have no club. And as a division governor, I was able to help my area governors become better leaders.

With each new role I undertook, as I helped others grow and develop, I was growing and developing myself – in ways I had never imagined when I was deciding whether or not to become a Toastmaster. The path to DTM is a journey all Toastmasters should pursue, and it does not need to be daunting if you follow three basic steps: Read the manuals. Make a plan. Work your plan.

Earl D. Kersting, DTM, is a senior manager of division sales support for the Kroger Co. in Cincinnati, Ohio, and is a member of the company’s corporate club: Kroger Food For Thought Toastmasters. Reach him at Earl.Kersting@Kroger.com .